Thursday, February 7, 2008
Relational Dialectics Theory- "I love you...thank you."
An example of the Relational Dialectics Theory is seen in the television show, the OC. The clip begins with the two main characters, Ryan and Marissa, who are about to bring in the New Year together. The couple has experienced tough times from Marissa's struggle with alcohol abuse to Ryan's adaptation from city slum to wealthy suburbia. The two are excited to spend New Year's Eve together, but both have conflicting plans.
The assumption that contradiction is the fundamental fact of relational life is prevalent when Marissa states that she wants to attend a party; where as, Ryan would much rather "take it easy," and simply stay home enjoying one another's company. These conflicting views are not strong enough to ruin the relationship, but communication is necessary to negotiate and reach a compromise. Ryan reminds Marissa about the past Christmas when she was drunk and didn't remember the event; their relationship is characterized by change and reached the level where Ryan only wants the best for her. Ryan explained that his reason for wanting to stay home was because he wants to know that she will be safe. Marissa felt close to Ryan by his remark which then drove her to say I love you.
The basic relational dialectics: autonomy vs. connection and openness vs. protection were represented in the clip. Both characters were caught off guard when Marissa "slipped" by saying she loved Ryan. Ryan was taken aback by the comment and simply said, "thank you."
Ryan had his guard up and was not ready to say I love you back. Marissa felt connected to Ryan in response to him saying he wanted her to be safe and to be with him. She also was embarrassed for blurting out her feelings, and the fact that Ryan did not respond with the same affection made her feel humiliated. Marissa responded your welcome to his thank you and the couples' departure was awkward.
The OC clip represents contradiction and different views on love in that point in time of their relationship. Both care about one another yet the conflicting openness vs. protection aspect of their relationship is still a barrier for the couple to overcome.
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5 comments:
Openness vs. Connection can undoubtedly be seen in this clip. It is obvious that Ryan cares a great deal about Marissa or he would not have put up with as much has he obviously has thus far. However, he does seem to want to protect himself from becoming too vulnerable by saying, “I love you,” back. Marissa on the other hand was feeling a great deal of openness and decided, either consciously or unconsciously, to tell Ryan her feelings about him. It is evident that this couple is struggling with contraction between Marissa’s openness and Ryan’s protection.
Excellent comment! The main dialectic presented in the clip is openness vs. protection, not autonomy vs. connection.
Also, I think Marissa had struggled between openness and protection too. Once she realized that Ryan were not ready for the same openness she wanted, she said "I mean, I didn't mean..." to cover her embarrassment, to protect herself from being too vulnerable.
And Ryan had struggled between the desire to open up himself and the desire to protect himself. After he heard what Marissa said, his facial expression shows that he immediately knew he was expected to say the same thing back. He hesitated for a few seconds; he must be thinking if he should say it or not (struggling between the two desires) and finally he made a choice (protection).
This is a perfect example of openness vs. protection. It is interesting that Marissa is ready to be completely open and express her feelings to Ryan and winds up becoming embarrassed when he does not respond with "I love you, too." At this point, she is not feeling very protected. If he had returned the feeling, she may have felt more protected within their relationship even though she was being completely open. Now her feelings are out in the open and she is extremely vulnerable, while Ryan is still keeping his feelings inside and remains protected.
I think this was a great clip to use for the issue of relational dialectics. It is clear thatt openness vs. protection is a prime component of this situation. After Ryan explains his reasoning for spending New Year's Eve at home with her, Marissa feels open to Ryan and states that she loves him. Ryan, being a guy who always has his guard up, is caught off guard and merely answers with a "thank you." However, Marissa expresses some type of protection as well after Ryan does not respond in the way she would like. She then begins to stutter and quickly leaves the scene in embarressment.
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